Last night I had to take a quick trip to the local co-op as I was out of a few essentials for some baking I was planning on doing and decided to walk.
I had not realised how well known Holly, and therefore I, had become. I was stopped a few times by people enquiring after Holly and in each case they were upset to discover she was no longer around. So my quick walk to the shops which is half a mile each way, took a little bit longer than anticipated.
I still managed to do my baking although it was very odd not to have to share the licking of spoons and bowls.
Wednesday 20 August 2014
Saturday 16 August 2014
The End of a Hairy Era
Holly
13 March 2002 - 16 August 2014
After a couple of days of being thoroughly spoilt Holly took her final trip to the vets this morning. We sat in the garden outside the vets and I gave her the ultimate treat, she got a small bar of proper human chocolate. She has always wanted to know what it tasted like but I have never given her any before. But I figgured that on this occasion it would do no harm. She thoroughly enjoyed it and then, treat over, she walked (with assistance from her scarf-sling) into the treatment room and as I held her in my arms my lovely vet administered the injection and she quietly and quickly slipped away.
Right now my heart feels shattered and I feel mentally, physically and emotionally empty. The house feels very odd and I keep expecting to hear her shuffling around, it was very odd indeed not to hear any barking when the post got delivered.
She was a good age for a dog of her size (almost 12.5) and 2 years, 10 months and 10 days post diagnosis is definately above the average of 18 months.
Wednesday 13 August 2014
The Dilema of Not Knowing
The problem is that Holly is not in pain. The cdm destroys the nerves which has been the cause of the decline of her back legs and internal plumbing it also means that messages of pain and discomfort are not being registered.
This makes knowing when to call it quits and let her go much more difficult than normal.
I have a few friends who also currently have end of life pets who are all saying that as the end comes they are planning or are getting some pain killers from the vets to allow them to have a couple of days to spoil them and say goodbye.
For Holly there is no magic pill to make her walk again so I decided a while ago that it would have to be when she could no longer be independently mobile. I think that day has more or less arrived. Over the weekend the temperature dropped and we tried a couple of slightly longer length and a bit more undulating terrain. The longest planned walk was 1.75 miles and the steepest hill was not very steep at all. Poor old girl struggled, she needed to stop for a breather at regular intervals and when she did stop I needed to go stand with my leg/knee against the back of her trolley to stop it rolling backwards. If I didn't and it rolled she was unable to tell, unable to stop it and therefore fell over.
So while she is still OK on the flat that does cause a problem as Yorkshire is better known for it's hills rather than it's flatness. During the walk I could hear a scraping sound of nails on floor, on just about every step her front nails were dragging across the pavement. When we got home I had a good look at her feet and her nails are showing the same signs of uneven wear that her back ones did right back at the start, to me this is proof that things are progressing and her front legs are starting to be affected.
She still enjoyed her walk but I think it's time for some carefully planned flat walks (there are a couple not too far from home) some extra special treats and then saying goodbye while she still has the ability to walk (with assistance).
This makes knowing when to call it quits and let her go much more difficult than normal.
I have a few friends who also currently have end of life pets who are all saying that as the end comes they are planning or are getting some pain killers from the vets to allow them to have a couple of days to spoil them and say goodbye.
For Holly there is no magic pill to make her walk again so I decided a while ago that it would have to be when she could no longer be independently mobile. I think that day has more or less arrived. Over the weekend the temperature dropped and we tried a couple of slightly longer length and a bit more undulating terrain. The longest planned walk was 1.75 miles and the steepest hill was not very steep at all. Poor old girl struggled, she needed to stop for a breather at regular intervals and when she did stop I needed to go stand with my leg/knee against the back of her trolley to stop it rolling backwards. If I didn't and it rolled she was unable to tell, unable to stop it and therefore fell over.
So while she is still OK on the flat that does cause a problem as Yorkshire is better known for it's hills rather than it's flatness. During the walk I could hear a scraping sound of nails on floor, on just about every step her front nails were dragging across the pavement. When we got home I had a good look at her feet and her nails are showing the same signs of uneven wear that her back ones did right back at the start, to me this is proof that things are progressing and her front legs are starting to be affected.
She still enjoyed her walk but I think it's time for some carefully planned flat walks (there are a couple not too far from home) some extra special treats and then saying goodbye while she still has the ability to walk (with assistance).
Thursday 7 August 2014
About Three Years Ago
I've just realised that it was about this time three years ago that I first noticed Holly walking slightly oddly. It wasn't very often and it wasn't a very big change, but just every now and again I would notice her back right leg would kink a little when she took a step.
At first I though I was imagining it but over the space of a couple of weeks I decided I wasn't imagining it but nobody else had seen it. When I had a long weekend away Holly stayed at Mum and Dad's and when I came back they had seen it and I took Holly off to see the vet.
A lot has happened in the last three years, a lot of miles have been walked and I have shed a few tears along the way as well.
I've thought once or twice over the past few months that her front legs are getting weaker and wobblier. Earlier this week I noticed that her front right paw didn't seem to be doing what she wanted it to do. She was, with a little help from me, getting up onto the sofa and her paw wasn't unfolding to step on to the cushion so she ended up climbing up with a folded up paw.
I've also noticed that she has problems getting her front legs coordinated, especially on smooth surfaces and especially when she is tired or just woken up after a good snooze. The control of the internal plumbing is also getting steadily worse.
Once or twice I've wondered if it's time to make that last trip to the vets, but those thoughts have usually been at 3am when we have had a puddle on the kitchen floor and a crash landing on the path to the lawn. Come the morning she has been her usual demanding self, berating me for being half asleep and not getting her breakfast served up fast enough, telling me how she things we should be spending the day and generally showing none of the problems from the middle of the night.
I think the time is drawing closer, but for now she is still happy and, other than the cdm, healthy so we will continue to take things one day at a time and at her pace.
At first I though I was imagining it but over the space of a couple of weeks I decided I wasn't imagining it but nobody else had seen it. When I had a long weekend away Holly stayed at Mum and Dad's and when I came back they had seen it and I took Holly off to see the vet.
A lot has happened in the last three years, a lot of miles have been walked and I have shed a few tears along the way as well.
I've thought once or twice over the past few months that her front legs are getting weaker and wobblier. Earlier this week I noticed that her front right paw didn't seem to be doing what she wanted it to do. She was, with a little help from me, getting up onto the sofa and her paw wasn't unfolding to step on to the cushion so she ended up climbing up with a folded up paw.
I've also noticed that she has problems getting her front legs coordinated, especially on smooth surfaces and especially when she is tired or just woken up after a good snooze. The control of the internal plumbing is also getting steadily worse.
Once or twice I've wondered if it's time to make that last trip to the vets, but those thoughts have usually been at 3am when we have had a puddle on the kitchen floor and a crash landing on the path to the lawn. Come the morning she has been her usual demanding self, berating me for being half asleep and not getting her breakfast served up fast enough, telling me how she things we should be spending the day and generally showing none of the problems from the middle of the night.
I think the time is drawing closer, but for now she is still happy and, other than the cdm, healthy so we will continue to take things one day at a time and at her pace.
Monday 4 August 2014
The Plans of Mice and Men, or rather of Holly & Hannah
The plan last week was to find a nice little campsite somewhere not too far from home that we could escape to one weekend in August.
After making that decision I checked a few websites and came up with a shortlist of possible campsites. Then I checked the calendar and what with prior commitments and social engagements for both Holly and myself, it is going to be mid-September at the earliest before we have a free weekend!
So I have not mentioned the plan to Holly but I think I will investigate locations that we can go and spend a Sunny afternoon at, assuming the recent trend towards torrential downpours is not set in for the rest of the summer. And then keep my fingers crossed that it is still warm enough in September for a weekend under canvas.
After making that decision I checked a few websites and came up with a shortlist of possible campsites. Then I checked the calendar and what with prior commitments and social engagements for both Holly and myself, it is going to be mid-September at the earliest before we have a free weekend!
So I have not mentioned the plan to Holly but I think I will investigate locations that we can go and spend a Sunny afternoon at, assuming the recent trend towards torrential downpours is not set in for the rest of the summer. And then keep my fingers crossed that it is still warm enough in September for a weekend under canvas.
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