The End of a Hairy Era

Holly

13 March 2002 - 16 August 2014

After a couple of days of being thoroughly spoilt Holly took her final trip to the vets this morning. We sat in the garden outside the vets and I gave her the ultimate treat, she got a small bar of proper human chocolate. She has always wanted to know what it tasted like but I have never given her any before. But I figgured that on this occasion it would do no harm. She thoroughly enjoyed it and then, treat over, she walked (with assistance from her scarf-sling) into the treatment room and as I held her in my arms my lovely vet administered the injection and she quietly and quickly slipped away.

Right now my heart feels shattered and I feel mentally, physically and emotionally empty. The house feels very odd and I keep expecting to hear her shuffling around, it was very odd indeed not to hear any barking when the post got delivered.

She was a good age for a dog of her size (almost 12.5) and 2 years, 10 months and 10 days post diagnosis is definately above the average of 18 months.

The Dilema of Not Knowing

The problem is that Holly is not in pain. The cdm destroys the nerves which has been the cause of the decline of her back legs and internal plumbing it also means that messages of pain and discomfort are not being registered.

This makes knowing when to call it quits and let her go much more difficult than normal.

I have a few friends who also currently have end of life pets who are all saying that as the end comes they are planning or are getting some pain killers from the vets to allow them to have a couple of days to spoil them and say goodbye.

For Holly there is no magic pill to make her walk again so I decided a while ago that it would have to be when she could no longer be independently mobile. I think that day has more or less arrived. Over the weekend the temperature dropped and we tried a couple of slightly longer length and a bit more undulating terrain. The longest planned walk was 1.75 miles and the steepest hill was not very steep at all. Poor old girl struggled, she needed to stop for a breather at regular intervals and when she did stop I needed to go stand with my leg/knee against the back of her trolley to stop it rolling backwards. If I didn't and it rolled she was unable to tell, unable to stop it and therefore fell over.

So while she is still OK on the flat that does cause a problem as Yorkshire is better known for it's hills rather than it's flatness. During the walk I could hear a scraping sound of nails on floor, on just about every step her front nails were dragging across the pavement. When we got home I had a good look at her feet and her nails are showing the same signs of uneven wear that her back ones did right back at the start, to me this is proof that things are progressing and her front legs are starting to be affected.

She still enjoyed her walk but I think it's time for some carefully planned flat walks (there are a couple not too far from home) some extra special treats and then saying goodbye while she still has the ability to walk (with assistance).

About Three Years Ago

I've just realised that it was about this time three years ago that I first noticed Holly walking slightly oddly. It wasn't very often and it wasn't a very big change, but just every now and again I would notice her back right leg would kink a little when she took a step.

At first I though I was imagining it but over the space of a couple of weeks I decided I wasn't imagining it but nobody else had seen it. When I had a long weekend away Holly stayed at Mum and Dad's and when I came back they had seen it and I took Holly off to see the vet.

A lot has happened in the last three years, a lot of miles have been walked and I have shed a few tears along the way as well.

I've thought once or twice over the past few months that her front legs are getting weaker and wobblier. Earlier this week I noticed that her front right paw didn't seem to be doing what she wanted it to do. She was, with a little help from me, getting up onto the sofa and her paw wasn't unfolding to step on to the cushion so she ended up climbing up with a folded up paw.

I've also noticed that she has problems getting her front legs coordinated, especially on smooth surfaces and especially when she is tired or just woken up after a good snooze. The control of the internal plumbing is also getting steadily worse.

Once or twice I've wondered if it's time to make that last trip to the vets, but those thoughts have usually been at 3am when we have had a puddle on the kitchen floor and a crash landing on the path to the lawn. Come the morning she has been her usual demanding self, berating me for being half asleep and not getting her breakfast served up fast enough, telling me how she things we should be spending the day and generally showing none of the problems from the middle of the night.

I think the time is drawing closer, but for now she is still happy and, other than the cdm, healthy so we will continue to take things one day at a time and at her pace.

One day at a time.

There have been a couple of occasions in the past week to 10 days when I have thought that Holly has looked very old and tired. There have been a couple of occasions when she has really struggled to walk, but I think these have been when I have been asking her to move quickly after just waking up. But the rest of the time she is her normal bright eyed demanding self.

I have all of next week off work, the forecast is OK so we may take the tent and vanish into the countryside or to the seaside for a few days. No definite plans it will all be fairly last minute and depend on someone being available to look after the cats, the weather and how both Holly and I feel.

The Stubbornness Shines Through

After a small delay caused by neighbours, ambulances, cats, houses for sale and watering Grandma's veg patch we set off for our evening constitutional around the park.

Only Holly had other ideas which led me to post the following on Facebook

"Does anyone want a stubborn, determined, wheeled Holly-dog? She is currently driving me bonkers as she goes through a "I've forgotten that I am not as young and energetic as I used to be" phase.

She thinks we should be hiking the hills and dales tonight and keeps trying to go down paths that the wheels don't fit down, she looks most put out when I insist we revert to the walk round the park."

It kept everyone else amused as I had to keep back-tracking and extracting Holly from ginnels, snickets and paths that she was attempting to go down. Poor old dog really wanted to go on some of her old walking routes, but they are just not possible any more. We are going off to meet friends as normal on Saturday, a lovely walk is planned along an old railway line at the edge of the Pennines, hopefully that will keep her walking in the hills desire sated for a while.

Being Worshipped and Adored

Over the weekend it was the local Street Fair. Two days of craft stalls, tombola's, raffles, second hand books, cakes, plants and live entertainment.

On the Saturday Holly and I walked round it and won a few things on various charity tombola's, bought a few books and plants and did a lot of talking about the wheels. Quite a few people remembered Holly and her wheels from last year and were very pleased to see her there again this year. There were quite a lot of people who had not met her before and stopped to talk and Holly soaked up all the attention and ear-scritches, and ran over quite a few toes as well!

When we got back home Holly slept for most of the rest of the weekend, it must be exhausting being worshipped and adored by so many people. I think she enjoyed herself though as she was dreaming and in her dreams she wasn't running but did a lot of sniffing and lip-smacking as if she were re-living all the ends of hot-dogs and burgers that she was given.

I think there were two reasons for the exhaustion. Although we probably only walked around 3 miles in total it was all on roads and pavements which wears her out much faster than 3 miles on footpaths and grassy fields. The other reason is that Holly is starting to loose muscle tone and condition in her front legs. I've noticed for little while now that she is not as strong as she used to be and more recently this has taken a bit bigger dip than the usual gradual decline. Even my Mum has noticed that she is loosing muscle condition. But as Mum and everyone who met her at the Street Fair said, she is still bright-eyed and alert (especially where food is concerned!) and looks to be very happy and content.

So for now we continue to take it one day and one step/wheel at a time and enjoy ourselves along the way.

Living in the Crystal Maze

The Game Options for the Crystal Maze were Skill, Physical, Mental or Mystery. Life is currently feeling like a combination of these, only without the choice, without the chance of winning a crystal and definitely without any time in the crystal dome at the end of it all.

For Holly its a case of Physical vs Mental. Physically she is continuing to decline, I was away for a few days over Easter and she stayed with my Mum and Dad. When I came home the report was that she was happy enough but had not successfully gone on a walk in her wheels. They had tried but she had not been happy and had kept falling over so they just sling-walked her round their garden.

The problem is that Mentally she is still very alert and active and, occasionally, under the impression that she is still capable of long hikes over the moors. So on the Saturday after Easter I was very happy when she woke me up at 6.30 am to ask if it was time to go for a walk. She was enthusiastic and enjoyed the walk but as it was a combination of pavements and parks we kept it to just 3 miles. I think the problems she had had at my parents is that from their house it is uphill for the first third to half a mile.

I get all four.

I get to practice my Skill levels as I assist Holly walking around. Can I keep up with her high speed dash to the kitchen for breakfast? Can I avoid bashing my legs/knees/hips on various objects as she weaves in and out of them? Am I coordinated enough (especially first thing on a morning) to avoid Holly weeing on my foot when we have a trip round the garden?

Combined with the Skill is the Physical. I try to let Holly do as much as she can but there is still a certain amount of lifting, carrying, steadying and picking up when, despite my best efforts, she has fallen over.

Mental is probably the hardest of them all. Holly has always been very good at knowing how I feel and responding to it. So now my challenge is to try and stay happy and positive so that Holly stays happy and positive, because when she is happy she enjoys her walks more and is generally more energetic and enthusiastic.

The Mystery is how long? Will today be the day? I know there can't be much time left and I am keeping track of good and bad days. As I have stated before the bad days are getting more frequent but for now the good days are still winning.

Signs of another Short Circuit

Last Saturday Holly really enjoyed her walk, when I checked the trip counter on the GPS back at the car it read 5 miles, not bad going!

In hindsight it was too far, although I am not sure she would agree, for the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday she slept. She was very weary and wobbly and didn't ask for a walk, I didn't force her to take one either. She had a quiet day on the sofa and I had a busy day in the kitchen.

She also started to show signs that we are due for a major decline fairly soon. On Saturday evening  and sporadically throughout Sunday her front right leg had mini-bursts of short circuiting. It would move to walk and then repeat the action very quickly 4 or 5 times in quick succession. Fortunately I was able to prop her up each time so she didn't fall over.

I had thought it was due to her exhausting her self on the Saturday as she wasn't doing this at all yesterday morning or when I got home from work. We had a very nice stroll around the park in the daylight, although from Holly's point of view it was a bit of a wash-out as the field next to the park was empty of all livestock so she had nothing to say hello to.

Then on our way out for a final trip round the garden before bed, her front right leg did the repeating again.

For now she is still happy, I am going to try to make sure she does not get over-tired (probably easier said than done) this week and see how things go. But I think I am now looking at days and weeks rather than months.

908.79

I found an old notebook this morning. I had forgotten that in the early days of diagnosis I kept a note of how far Holly and I had walked, although to be more accurate it was how far I walked. Holly does as all dogs do, ran up and down and round and round when not on the lead so would have gone much further.

The entires start on the 8th October 2011 and the last entry is from 7th July 2012. Not every day is recorded, some days say "plus swimming at Pugneys" and one week is down as "Away on Holiday, out and about all day every day!" I know that year we went to Northumberland and had a two mile walk on the beach every morning and evening in addition to wherever we went during the day.

But the 261 entries that there are tot up to a grand total of 908.79 miles.

1.5 + 1 = 30 ???

The maths problem makes much more sense when you put some scales alongside the values.

1.5 years + 1 year = 30 months.

We have made it to another milestone, Holly has wheeled her way through a whole year extra to the original warning of 18 months average to make it to 30 months post-diagnosis!

She's not going quite as far or as fast as she used to, but she will almost certainly wake me up tomorrow morning at the first hint of daylight and then witter constantly until we meet up with friends at 10am for a walk - tomorrow is going to be a stroll along the Trans Pennine Trail for a total of about 4 miles.

There is life in the old dog yet!

Over the weekend we went down to the Rother Valley Country Park for a walk. We parked close by next to the Trans Pennine Trail and then walked down the Trail until we were just in Derbyshire before heading back up and into the Park.

We walked around the far side of the lake and decided that as the sun was shining we would call into the cafe for a cup of tea.

After a very civilised break sitting in the sun watching the wildlife and drinking tea, we set off again to the top end of the lake where we crossed over the railway and re-joined the TPT. The bridges over the railway had very steep steps so I ended up carrying Holly up and down the steps for both bridges! The next day it took me a while to work out why the muscles in my thighs and upper arms were aching, it was carrying 25Kg of dog+cart that did it.

When we got back to the car the GPS said it had been a little over 5 miles. Holly looked as if she could have done it all again. Only it was raining quite heavily by that point and I didn't fancy carrying her over the bridges again so we went home to bake bread and cherry cake.

Cat Hairs

The signs of the cdm progressing continue to appear. Over the past few weeks I have noticed that Holly sometimes has problems sneezing and coughing.

You know when you have a really bad cold and have coughed and sneezed so much that your muscles hurt? So you try to stop the hurt by sneezing or coughing in a genteele way that only uses the bare minimum of muscles and ligaments. The resulting feeble wheezy ineffective expulsion of air is how Holly's coughing and sneezing is now frequently sounding like.

The problem is it is spring, so all the animals are moulting. Which means that as Linus sleeps curled up next to Holly she ends up breathing in cat hairs and we all know how much they tickle and irritate! Or we have a wander round the garden and she sticks her big wet nose into all the nooks and crannys to have a good sniff of the spring air, and once more she needs to sneeze.

There are still some 'proper' coughs and sneezes but the feeble wheezy ones are starting to take over.

As sad as the progression is she is still a happy dog. She still recognises all the little things that mean I am geting ready to take her for a walk and starts pestering and wittering about when we are going as soon as she spots them. And she still sulks and generally lets it be known that she is unhappy if she doesn't think we have been out long enough, regardless of the weather.

So while I think the time to say goodbye is getting closer I don't think we are quite there yet.

Happy Birthday to Holly

Happy 12th Birthday Holly-dog.

I must admit that it's not a birthday that I thought we would be celebrating. But I am amazed and happy that you are still here and not letting the cdm stop you from enjoying yourself.

I also didn't think it was possible for you to eat your breakfast any faster than you do, but apparently when there are bits of chicken mixed in as a birthday treat you can make everything vanish in record time!

The other thing I am amazed at is that there is any glaze left on your food dish after the licking clean it got this morning. I understand the need to check that there is nothing left over, but I think perhaps you were being a little over-enthusiastic with your checking today.

Getting Old

People often tell me that they cannot believe that Holly is almost 12. Quite often I cannot believe it either, I have no idea what happened to the last 12 years. However I do know that it involved a lot of mud!

More than a few times over the past 12 to 18 months I have said I think that I don't have much longer left with Holly. But she is still here and still going, I don't know if it is her stubborn streak or what that is keeping her around, but there are a few signs visible to others as well as me that she is getting old and that the canine degenerative myelopathy is progressing.

Holly now sleeps the sleep of the old dog.
The deep sleep that even sound doesn't penetrate (except possibly the sound of a can opener).
That deep, dreamless sleep that causes owners to panic, even the owners who have had old dogs before. The one where the breathing is very shallow and slow, the heartbeat slows right down and you wonder if they are still alive.

She still dreams when not in a deep sleep, but the back legs no longer kick.

Sometime in the Autumn I started to notice her occasionally stumble and loose footing on her front legs. Sometimes it was when she was in her wheeled cart and sometimes when she was being supported with the scarf-sling, but it wasn't very often and as she never fell over there was only me that noticed it. As with everything it has gradually got worse with time, now she is stumbling more frequently and occasionally falling over. It is more noticeable when she is tired or the terrain is not Holly friendly and it's now happening enough that other people have noticed it. Fortunately all our walking friends know that the best thing to do is to help her back to her feet, say something along the lines of "Come on Old Girl, lets keep going" and not make a fuss.

When people have said in the past that the wheels must have drastically altered our walks I have told them that it hasn't. The only two changes are that we no longer walk along a couple of paths down by the river where the path is narrower than the wheels, and when we go out and about in the countryside we go with someone else to help lift her over styles. But over the past few months we have slowly being changing our walks. We check out the terrain before and try to avoid walks that are too hilly or will involve a lot of uneven paths.

Its sad that she can no longer race up and down hills and needs a bit of a push or a pull to get there. But she still tries and still wants to go, so we still go up and down the hills. The humans provide assistance to help her up the hill, once up there she explores and sniffs. Then in true Holly style races down the hill at great speed sending everyone else leaping out of the way before standing at the bottom of the next hill looking at us waiting for us to assist her up. Spoilt? Probably but right now I think it's important for her to enjoy her walks and if that means a bit of a push and a pull to get her to the top of the hill and sniff the breeze, then that's what she gets.

We have good days and bad days, the number of bad days is increasing but there are still significantly more good days. I could do with a little more sunshine and a little less rain to enjoy them in, Holly of course doesn't care and still doesn't think a downpour should delay our walks for any longer than it takes me to don waterproofs!

Bleargh!

The radio station I listen to has a feature on the weekend breakfast show called 1 word weather forecast. The idea is you email, text, tweet etc. a one word description of the weather where you are.

Tonight's one word weather forecast for where I live is "Bleargh!"

Fortunately Holly has declined an evening walk, which is just as well because the gusts of wine are almost blowing me over never mind a wobbly dog in a wheeled cart. A trip round the garden was quite enough for both of us, so this evening we are going to snuggle up on the sofa and hope the TV drowns out the 60 to 80 mph winds they have predicted for us.

I am also hoping that if we get a power cut it is after I have finished cooking my dinner.

Rain rain go away!

Up here in Yorkshire we are fortunate not to have flooded too badly so far this year.

However the back garden is starting to resemble a swamp rather than a lawn making it somewhat treacherous underfoot and the footprints on the kitchen floor are now a trail of mud.

This morning Holly slipped on one of the wet bits of the kitchen floor and did a very good Bambi impression before crash-landing on her left shoulder.

Poor old girl was a bit shaken and decided to stay where she had landed to eat breakfast (it takes a lot more than a tumble to put her off her food) and to watch me make my packup, or rather to make long hard covetous stares at the bowl containing egg mayonnaise to go in my sandwiches.

After looking thoroughly disappointed that the egg-mayo went in the sandwich and not into her bowl she perked up when her and the cats were allowed to perform a pre-wash lick of the mixing bowl before it went in the washing up. The walk across the kitchen floor to every animals favourite spot in the hallway (above the hot water pipes) was uneventful. I gave her shoulder a good going over and found that it's a little tender to the touch but otherwise feels ok. I suspect she will feel a little stiff and achy later on today. If she is then we may cancel tonights walk in favour of cuddles on the sofa and alternating ice-pack & hot-water bottle (both in fleecy covers) for her shoulder and my hip.

Yes a few months ago I too slipped on the mud and did my own Bambi impression but without the crash-landing. It feels like I have pulled something in my hip, it is still hurting now so I have actually made an appointment to get checked out by the doctor.

1 year wheeliversary

On the last Tuesday in January 2013 Holly and I were sat at home waiting for a large box to arrive in the post.

Ten days earlier Holly had been subjected to being measured and weighed and re-measured by me and my Dad. I had then filled in all the measurements on the dog-mobile website and now we were waiting for the wheels to arrive.

Its hard to believe that a whole year has passed since the wheels arrived, especially as we have passed both the 18 month and 2 year milestones since then. Holly is still loving her walks, we may not be going out and walking 16 miles in a day any more but we are still going out and exploring new places as well as revisiting old favourites.

This was taken last weekend, we were out and about in the fields down by the river in the morning and I managed to snap a quick photo of Holly up on top of a bit of banking surveying the surrounding area and enjoying the sunshine.

Fat Feet and a Haircut, Two Cats!

On Thursday (I am writing this on Saturday) the cats went to the vets for their annual MOT and boosters and Holly went along too.

Linus and Olaf both got clean bills of health.

As Holly doesn't put any weight on her back feet nowadays I regularly need to trim her claws and less frequently give the fur that grows between her pads a trim as well. I have noticed that the pads on her back feet were starting to thicken and become a bit spongey. I wasn't too worried but took the opportunity of a planned visit to have the vet look at her feet.

The vet confirmed it is due to her not putting pressure on her feet and unless they become cracked there is nothing needs doing other than the existing maintenance. As we were there she too got a check-up, the diagnosis? She's doing just fine!

Holly and her present Christmas 2013

Holly loves opening presents, she gets to help me with mine but always gets one of her own to open all by herself. This year was no exception.

Wait? Whaddayamean "wait"

Oooh, a parcel. Ok that was worth a short wait.

Better check the label, see who it's for

Is it really for me?

it's mine! best open it

Now if only I could find a loose corner...

nope, it's well wrapped

lets try the other side

success!

time to shred the wrapping

nice big chunk off that time

what the heck is that?

hmmm, a penguin but it's still caught up in the paper

come here little penguin

must free penguin from wrapping paper

nearly there

 free at last

prepare to be chomped

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak

 

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas 2013 from Holly, Linus, Olaf and Hannah.

Linus and Olaf are not too bothered about Christmas, for them the main attraction is screwed up balls of wrapping paper to play with. I stopped putting up a big tree and now just have a small one that stands about 14" high and fits perfectly on the end of the mantlepiece. If Linus and Olaf ever mature into sensible, trustworthy cats then I may get a big tree again.

Holly on the other hand
knows all about Christmas and loves it. She is not keen on loud noises and hates crackers being pulled when she is in hearing distance. Unless she is pulling the cracker. One year I held out a cracker to her for her to sniff at, only she grabbed the end in her mouth and pulled! Oh what fun she had, she 'won' the cracker pull and now had the majority of a cracker, a hat, joke and toy. I managed to pick the toy up and move it out of reach because she was too busy shredding the cracker, hat and joke trying to find the snap. She has pulled a lot of crackers since then, has shredded a lot of hats and is still trying to find the snap.

Holly does not like wearing clothes, it's only the past year or so that she has started to accept being loosly covered by a blanket when it's cold. However she loves her tinsel and jingle-bell collars and will do anything to avoid me when I try to take it off her. At her first christmas I had a spare piece of tinsel so I wrapped it round a spare collar and put it on her for Christmas day expecting her to wriggle out of it and shred it. But she wore it all day and looked longingly at it on Boxing day waiting for me to put it on her again. Since then I have made her a jingle-bell collar, a fleecy jester-style ruff with a bell on the end of each spike. She loves that one too but only gets to wear it for short periods of time as it can be very noisy.

She also knows what presents are and loves to open them and shred the wrapping paper before playing with her new toy.

Holly in 2005 with her newly made jingle collar

the suspicious look was due to being made to sit still and have her photo taken rather than being allowed to run round and have fun.